The old saying "when God closes a door He opens a window"...you've heard it a million times just like I have and to be honest, when things are looking glum it's probably the last thing you want to hear. It's nice to wallow in self-pity, telling yourself and arguing with God that you deserve more than the bum rap you're getting. In fact I've always been the classic pity party thrower. I send out invitations, put out chips and dip and let anyone in that will sit there and listen to me whine in hopes for the "poor you, let me make it all better" reaction. I'm also the person who, when someone comes to me in this state, will try to be "the fixer."

Why am I telling you this? I had an epiphany of sorts while I was at Creation this year. I was holding onto something that I absolutely did not want to let go of. I had told myself that I had already given the situation to God wholeheartedly which was a bunch of crap. I continued to let my emotions rule me and ended up being pretty upset at a time when I should have been having fun. More to the point I should have been concentrating on worshiping God and thanking Him for everything I have instead of whining over what I didn't have due to the fact that He knew it wasn't right for me. So, long story short, I made a really difficult decision to take a break from a relationship....actually a friendship....in order to finally be still and shut up and wait for the Lord to tell me what my next step should be. I opened up my heart and allowed myself to admit that I was being a selfish little brat and putting a huge stumbling block in front of my walk with Him by not giving Him total control over my heart and my mind. I'm not going to say that it wasn't difficult in the beginning. Losing control is never an easy thing to do. It's like those trust tests at camp where everyone surrounds you as you close your eyes and fall backwards. You have to make a conscious decision to give up control and trust these people, believing that as you fall someone WILL catch you. The thing is it's an amazing feeling when you know without doubt that someone has your back. In the case of those tests you're putting your trust in humans who are fallible. They are capable of making mistakes. I think that's where I went wrong for so long. I forgot that putting my trust in the Lord means NO MISTAKES! He knows exactly what's right for me, so by letting go of all that I think I want, I will end up with everything I need and then some. He loves me that much. :)

So since I've done this some great things have been happening. I have new friends in my life and God may be leading me down a new path with someone. Am I sure that's going to happen? No....and I really don't care! That's the beauty! If it happens great....if not....GREAT! That just means I have a new friend and there's another adventure on the horizon! I just can't get over it. All I had to do was stop and let go. It sounds so simple...why did I wait so long? To all my friends who have come to my famous pity parties...I'm sorry I put you through all that garbage. I'll make it up to you. How does sushi sound? :)