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There's an old saying that our moms used on us....it's more of a curse really. The old "I hope when you have children they are exactly like you?" Well let me just say that it works whether or not the child actually spewed forth from your loins. Most already know that Nicole is biologically my niece (my brother Jimmy's child) but I have custody and have raised her thus, I am MOM. So anyway, I have found that it doesn't matter if you give birth to the child. You raise it, God's sense of humor kicks in, and sure enough....they do the same crap you pulled when you were little. For example, one of my worst habits as a child was being nosy. Anytime my mom had a friend over I had an insatiable need to be in the middle of the conversation knowing everything that was going on. Nicole is the exact same way. Also if I happen to be on the phone, inevitably there is some piece of information of the utmost importance that she has to bring to my attention right then and there. I'm not talking about some little, inconsequential thing oh no! I mean come on....the fact that she broke a shoelace and needs new ones absolutely cannot wait. Call 911, break out the National Guard! Shoelace emergency! It's not as if she didn't have, oh say, 5 WHOLE HOURS prior to me getting on the phone to tell me. Grrrr. Another thing.....the old "ok just a minute" phrase. I admit....it was my favorite answer anytime my mom wanted me to do anything I didn't feel like doing. I brought this on myself I know and although my mom feels my pain I know that deep down inside of her there's a maniacal bit of laughter brewing every time I get exasperated at my child doing these things. I also think it's these little moments in life that God chuckles at. It's like a network comedy in reruns. You've seen them all a hundred times but each time you watch you still laugh a little. I'm just looking forward to the day when it's Nicole's turn. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go practice my maniacal laugh....BWAHAHA!!!
Almost forgot...while in church I noticed all the little babies Hayden's age had a little conversation going on in baby talk. One would cry a little, another across the room would coo in answer.....then a rebuttal from three rows up ahead by way of a full on scream. I think they were discussing the ridiculous rising cost of petrol in baby-eese. It was like watching a baby version of the "Twilight Bark" from 101 Dalmations. Classic.
Nicole and I went to Cary to see my brother Chris and my sister in law Ava and of course, my nephew Hayden. I'm sure you know by now that I am madly in love with this little munchkin. Every time I see him he's grown a ton, thus the reason I nicknamed him my little "Chunky Monkey," and he's doing something new. This Friday he'll be 3 months old and the little fart already weighs in at a whopping 15 lbs. I LOVE the fact that he's smiling now. Not one of these "ok is it gas or did he really find pleasure in something" smiles. This child breaks out one of the most adorable, ear to ear, "look at my gums" smiles! I can't wait til he starts to giggle. Ok....I'm gushing. Anyhow, I spent Saturday loving on the little rugrat until he was worn out and frankly so was I. Got up this morning and went to church with Chris and Ava like we usually do when in town. They go to an awesome church in Cary called Crosspointe. If you are ever in town do not miss attending. I feel as much at home at this church as I do the one I attend here at home and I never leave without really feeling like the message was just for me. This morning was no different.
Today is Palm Sunday and of course the service revolved around those last days of Christ, leading up to his death and resurrection. The message was on totally surrendering to God....letting Him be in charge and laying down control. Hayden got a little fussy and I took him and got up (we sat in the very back for just this reason) and bounced around with him and patted his back. The little guy was so tired but just didn't want to sleep. As I was doing this the Lord did something that I think is just soooo cool. He used that little baby to deliver His message. Seems to be His chosen method of message delivery doesn't it...using a little baby.... :) Well as the words "we need to stop fighting and totally surrender ourselves to God's will, knowing that He will take care of us" were being spoken, the light bulb went off over my head. I'm surprised people near me weren't blinded by the wattage! Here is Hayden on my shoulder, eyes rolling back in his head.....and yet as he gets to that delicate point of finally drifting off to la-la land, his head jerks up, he lets out a little cry or two, rubs his eyes and nose and lays his head back down. His will to stay awake is fighting so desperately with his body's need for sleep and it's a struggle that eventually one of the two will win. As I'm holding him I'm thinking to myself, why in the world doesn't he just go to sleep?? Then it dawns on me....it's all about control. Even in someone so young that human need to control things is there. It's in all of us and it's certainly in me. It's so hard to let go and allow God to take His rightful place in my life as the head because I want to know with a certainty where I'm going, how I'm getting there and what will happen once that occurs. It's all about faith, having total faith in the one person that loves me unconditionally and only wants what is best for me. It's about dying to self on an every day basis and renewing my mind by reading His word and putting it into action, which sometimes means taking no action at all....but taking rest in Him.
As I stand there letting all of this sink in, I can feel Hayden's little body finally go limp and his breathing becomes deep and peaceful. He has given himself over to sleep and has put his full trust in me....knowing that I will protect him while in such a vulnerable state. I need to take rest in my Saviour, allow myself to fall into His arms and cradle me, giving me a safe harbor from the storms in life, a place to find comfort when I'm sad and hurting and also those arms will point me in the direction my path should be in life. His arms are also where I want to be when things are going good. I want to feel His arms around me during those happy times because it's then when it becomes so easy to forget who it was that bestowed such blessings on me. Amazing....I hear you Lord.... loud and clear. And to think once again....He used a sweet, little baby to deliver the message.
Lately I've been plagued with some really bad migraines. In fact, last week I was in the ER for over 6 hours after being sent there by my regular Dr. to get an emergency CAT scan. Seems my doctor thought I might be having a stroke. Lovely. Turns out I wasn't but I did feel as though my head may totally explode from my neck and part of me was wishing it would just hurry up and get on with it. I figured at least that way the pain would go away. They hooked me up to all kinds of IV's and stuff and pumped me full of drugs. All I have to say is....I LOVE narcotic pain medications! I'm not a junky and anyone who knows me will tell you that if I ever were to become some type of one it would be a huffer/sniffer and my compound of choice would be a brand new bottle of Pine Sol to wrap my nostrils around. I loooove the smell of that stuff. Anyway....turns out I really like the way pain meds make you feel. They pumped me full of Dilautin and I quickly drifted off into a fuzzy little happy place. The top of my head started to tingle and I got a warm feeling all over. I think I saw the Care Bears dancing around my bed. Now here's the kicker....they waited until I had entered said "happy place" and my physical body no longer obeyed orders from my brain other than to breathe to have me give them a urine sample. Oh yeah, forgot to tell you, kidneys were hurting too. So here I am, naked but for a hospital gown that refuses to close in the back, there are tubes hooked up to my arm and my body feels what I imagine Gumby would feel like after laying on a heating pad for a about an hour.....all woozy, goopy and wobbly. So with this in mind, please imagine if you will, me heading to the bathroom, IV in tow, gown flapping in the breeze, passing what seems to be every person I've ever come in contact with in my life in the ER. Yes, there was even a deputy that I work with sitting there waiting to take a mental person on a transport. Can't wait to see HIM this week at work! So I manage to get the urine sample and meander back to my bed. They told me in the end that I have several kidney stones in each kidney, nothing new, and that they didn't think the migraine was anything to worry about, probably a one shot deal. Prescriptions were written and Mom took me home.
Well guess what....the little brother to this migraine showed up this morning right around 6am. This is now 2 weeks in a row that I haven't been able to go to church because of feeling so sick and in pain that I thought I'd die. I took some pain meds and the headache did start easing up but they also made me fall into a deep sleep and I didn't wake up until almost noon. I'm starting to wonder if Satan has a hand in this. He's actually getting double his pleasure out of this.....making me miss church AND turning me into a narcotics junkie at the same time. The jerk. So....if you would be so kind....please say a prayer for me. I'm sick of being sick and I miss church. Thanks!
Ok, so everyone else is blogging and I figure change and adapt or die so here I go over the blogging cliff with the other lemmings of this world! LOL Actually, I love reading the blogs of my friends and their friends and so on and so on....it gets silly, really, that I've gotten so caught up in the lives of people I wouldn't know if they came up and bit me!
My brother Chris and his wife Ava keep me updated (although not nearly enough! hint hint!) on the progress of my adorable new nephew and their blog is linked to some other friends we have. My friend Gwenn Mangine writes what is probably THE most entertaining blog I've ever seen. I actually look forward to reading the darn thing everday and find that if I don't look at it I cannot, no matter how tired, lay my head on my pillow and lapse into a coma after a hard day. I'm telling you, I'm a candidate for Blog Reader's Anonymous! Dang it Gwenn....you're my crack!
So anywho....I'll try to keep you up on my rantings and ravings on here and hope you find them interesting or funny.....or heck both.
