Total Surrender

Nicole and I went to Cary to see my brother Chris and my sister in law Ava and of course, my nephew Hayden. I'm sure you know by now that I am madly in love with this little munchkin. Every time I see him he's grown a ton, thus the reason I nicknamed him my little "Chunky Monkey," and he's doing something new. This Friday he'll be 3 months old and the little fart already weighs in at a whopping 15 lbs. I LOVE the fact that he's smiling now. Not one of these "ok is it gas or did he really find pleasure in something" smiles. This child breaks out one of the most adorable, ear to ear, "look at my gums" smiles! I can't wait til he starts to giggle. Ok....I'm gushing. Anyhow, I spent Saturday loving on the little rugrat until he was worn out and frankly so was I. Got up this morning and went to church with Chris and Ava like we usually do when in town. They go to an awesome church in Cary called Crosspointe. If you are ever in town do not miss attending. I feel as much at home at this church as I do the one I attend here at home and I never leave without really feeling like the message was just for me. This morning was no different.

Today is Palm Sunday and of course the service revolved around those last days of Christ, leading up to his death and resurrection. The message was on totally surrendering to God....letting Him be in charge and laying down control. Hayden got a little fussy and I took him and got up (we sat in the very back for just this reason) and bounced around with him and patted his back. The little guy was so tired but just didn't want to sleep. As I was doing this the Lord did something that I think is just soooo cool. He used that little baby to deliver His message. Seems to be His chosen method of message delivery doesn't it...using a little baby.... :) Well as the words "we need to stop fighting and totally surrender ourselves to God's will, knowing that He will take care of us" were being spoken, the light bulb went off over my head. I'm surprised people near me weren't blinded by the wattage! Here is Hayden on my shoulder, eyes rolling back in his head.....and yet as he gets to that delicate point of finally drifting off to la-la land, his head jerks up, he lets out a little cry or two, rubs his eyes and nose and lays his head back down. His will to stay awake is fighting so desperately with his body's need for sleep and it's a struggle that eventually one of the two will win. As I'm holding him I'm thinking to myself, why in the world doesn't he just go to sleep?? Then it dawns on me....it's all about control. Even in someone so young that human need to control things is there. It's in all of us and it's certainly in me. It's so hard to let go and allow God to take His rightful place in my life as the head because I want to know with a certainty where I'm going, how I'm getting there and what will happen once that occurs. It's all about faith, having total faith in the one person that loves me unconditionally and only wants what is best for me. It's about dying to self on an every day basis and renewing my mind by reading His word and putting it into action, which sometimes means taking no action at all....but taking rest in Him.

As I stand there letting all of this sink in, I can feel Hayden's little body finally go limp and his breathing becomes deep and peaceful. He has given himself over to sleep and has put his full trust in me....knowing that I will protect him while in such a vulnerable state. I need to take rest in my Saviour, allow myself to fall into His arms and cradle me, giving me a safe harbor from the storms in life, a place to find comfort when I'm sad and hurting and also those arms will point me in the direction my path should be in life. His arms are also where I want to be when things are going good. I want to feel His arms around me during those happy times because it's then when it becomes so easy to forget who it was that bestowed such blessings on me. Amazing....I hear you Lord.... loud and clear. And to think once again....He used a sweet, little baby to deliver the message.